“I am interested in people, and helping them find their energy and passion for life.” Lesley Sullivan
This quote is posted on my website, and yes it seems the clients who find me are searching for exactly the same thing. Why and how did this become my focus in my healing practice? The answer is simple; it’s the same healing journey I have been on for the past 15 years.
How did I find my energy and passion? It took me a while but if you read on, I will share the steps to finding freedom and direction in life.
My journey began when nothing could fill the emptiness and sense that something was missing in my life. No amount of shopping, drinking, exercising, eating, and success could fill the feeling that something big was missing. All of the quick fixes only lasted a short while and left me feeling my life had no real meaning, I felt hopeless.
After years of ‘spiritual travel’ I witnessed how so many found solace in religion. Yes, it all felt great when I was meditating in a remote mountaintop retreat but when I returned home, my life remained the same as before. Further, the emptiness and turmoil returned. Was I the only one who felt so lost and without direction? Why was this happening?
The answer was simple; I was looking in the wrong place. For years I had watched and tried to emulate others; everything I sought was outside of my self. I mistakenly believed that if I kept ‘doing’ I would eventually find happiness. One day I had a ‘ah ha’ moment and understood it was time to try something new and head in another direction, a place I had never really gone before; within myself. This is easier said than done.
My emotional detachment and my resistance to feeling were huge; I had constructed strong walls against experiencing my emotions and believed my mind and soldiering on could overcome any obstacle. The British way (under no circumstances show your emotions) had done a good job on me. It saved me from humiliation, inappropriate behavior, fear of betrayal and abandonment, to name a few. Growing up in Britain added an extra veneer of resistance to this ‘feeling’ thing.
As I began to own and express my feelings of anger, rage, hate (yes all of them) I was shocked at the tsunami of feelings that came forth. At times I appeared like a raving lunatic, the anger and hatred spewed out of me and left me shaking and terrified. I began to understand that my fears were masked by the anger and hatred. Once I let them out, I was able to face all those negative emotions. It took a while but I began to experience a new space within me, a place that felt open, hopeful, and expansive and began asking myself some essential questions.
Here are a few of them:
Who am I?
What are my gifts?
Where am I going?
What do I fear?
Do I have faith in a higher power?
What do I really want to do with my life?
What do I long for?
The voices of others answered for me. It didn’t take me long to realize I had no clue how to answer these simple questions without being influenced by the opinions of others, or by a conditioned response that was not the true me. The conditioned response was created by years of trying to fit in, please others, and to feel loved and accepted.
But I soon found my answers, and in a later blog I will describe how that happened.
But now let’s turn to you; How would you respond to these questions? Maybe take time to sit quietly and reflect on a few of them. Watch how you may give an answer that feels conditioned, as though the answer belongs to someone else and doesn’t make you feel excited and alive. Can you be honest with yourself? Can you move away from your ‘set’ response and deepen within yourself and find the courage to answer from your heart and not your mind?
If you are interested in pursuing this further, please know I am here to support you on your path to awareness and freedom. I am available for in person sessions, and also provide long distance healing via phone or Skype.